Well, today has been a pretty bad day. I fell into a depression on Mother's Day and haven't quite been able to shake it. As usual, i put on the 'i'm okay' mask and pretended i don't feel dead inside. It seems like everyone i know has a close group of friends, and someone to lean on. I just feel so horribly, terribly, alone. I know, it's whining, right? But i see no point in blogging if it isn't honest. All the things i used to enjoy, that lifted me up, are now like so much dust. People say things like 'You seem so much better today!' What they don't understand is, i'm not. I haven't been for most of my life, and i never will be. It hurts to hear people say that, for some reason..i almost feel like they are so blind, that they can't see my pain, or simply don't want to. I can't say i blame them. I don't enjoy seeing it either, i enjoy living with it even less. Facebook has become a torment. Everyone is either too happy, or too sad, and they both make me feel invisible. That's pretty much what i feel like. Invisible. I know i'm the one distancing myself from others on a rational level, but the beast tells me they're distancing themselves from me. And i'm so tired of trying to reach out, even though i know that's what i have to do. I feel so broken. Until next time, i'm hugging you, whoever you may be. ~
Hugs! I understand exactly where you are coming from. Having battled depression for years, a lot of what you just said I have felt at one time or another. It is tough, and I know the best thing to do is to reach out, but not everyone has that "one or two people who you can always count on to be there". Me, I'm lucky if I can find someone to just listen to me whine and bitch and cry and vent and actually listen, not just push me away. Remember I'm always here for you if you need someone to talk to! Can't promise I'll always been good company, but I can promise I will always have a caring heart.
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